Hot or Not: Her Perspective on Chastity-Related Male Fantasies
General comments on our chastity journey, favorite parts, why it works, etc.
I hadn’t been exposed to most of this before my husband introduced me. Exposure was a key element.
My husband did a pretty good job of not going too far, too fast. It’s really easy for the male sub to get overly-excited at the first “green light” from his partner. I was open to learn and go down the discovery path with him. We watched porn, we read erotica, we shared what we found hot vs. not. It took us nearly 4 years to progress from 24-hour lockups to multi-week lockups.
I love him in chastity, although I don’t want a permanently locked husband (see below). He’s generally more attentive and can’t keep his hands off me. I love feeling that level of desire, especially after nearly 15 years together. I love how pliable and desperate he is when locked. I love watching the mix of physical torture and psychological submissive bliss on his face when I tease him and don’t let him cum.
My husband asked me recently, “Am I a better partner when I’m locked?” I said, “I think we both are.”
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This blog provides my entirely subjective perspective on chastity and other sexual elements we’ve explored in our dynamic. We assume our readers are primarily male and hope these insights are helpful if/when you decide to introduce these elements to your wife or partner.
Wearing the key visibly
I currently keep the key in my wallet. I like the idea of carrying the key with me (in some form) as a token of our chastity secret. But I’ll be honest: the chastity keys are not cute as pieces of jewelry. I don’t want to wear it around my neck.
My husband never officially asked me to wear the key prominently, as a necklace or otherwise. I’d be open to it if we could create a beautiful custom piece of jewelry that fit my personal style.
We’ve started to talk about it more seriously lately and I’m way more open to the idea now that I would’ve been at the start. It’s a much hotter idea now because we’ve established chastity play as part of our relationship dynamic.
A custom key could be like a second (kinky) wedding ring. It’s a symbol of both our relationship journey so far and the exploration we’ll do together in the future.
Note: we looked at some of the custom chastity key companies online. They unfortunately don’t suit our personal tastes. Maybe we should start a custom key jewelry design business…
Ruined orgasms
Super hot from the very beginning. I didn’t know that was a thing.
I didn’t know that men could ejaculate even if you stopped stimulating them. And that they’d be horny still afterwards. It’s like hacking the refractory period.
I think, as women, we’re conditioned to “complete the job.” I’ve always wanted to make my husband cum as hard as possible. I didn’t know that sometimes a ruined orgasm is MORE satisfying to my partner than a traditional one - psychologically, at least.
With a ruined orgasm, I still get the visual I want. I still made him orgasm. But I also keep him horny and desperate, which I LOVE. Caged ruined orgasms with a wand are especially hot because I get to watch him moan and frantically hump the vibrator. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it.
Note: This is a recurring theme for men who enjoy chastity, or anyone who’s submissive, for that matter. Teetering on the edge of orgasm for an extended amount of time is often MORE pleasurable than reaching orgasm and experiencing the drop. Edging and ruined orgasms keeps the sexual energy high.
Anal play including pegging
At first, this one legitimately freaked me out. I have some sensory sensitivities which include a very strong sense of smell. I also hate how lube feels on my hands. I was very hesitant.
When my husband originally brought it up, pegging was not a common topic. I was totally unfamiliar with the concept of male anal pleasure. I didn’t fully understand why my partner felt a need to try it. This was a sex act we hadn’t spent years practicing. It was totally new to both of us. I think sometimes in a relationship, you fall back on the things you know you’re good at. I know I can make my husband cum in other ways. It was intimidating to attempt something so new - and something with so many required props.
That being said, I want to make my partner feel good and am always down to try things. Unfortunately, the first attempts did NOT go well. I had no idea what I was doing. He hadn’t fully figured out how to prepare for pegging properly (alliteration!). It was messy, literally and figuratively.
For a while, my husband explored on his own. He got butt plugs and a few dildos, and would send me videos of him pleasuring himself. I always like getting a sexy video and I think they helped get me more used to the idea. He’d also send me pegging videos and GIFs from Reddit. I think the Reddit videos especially helped me understand that a lot of guys like getting pegged. It feels good. I also was able to observe other women actually doing it, which boosted my confidence.
My advice is this: have your husband explore his own ass first. He can send you videos or put on a show in the bedroom. Encourage him to express his pleasure and get lost in the sensations. Tell him you love watching his face as he plays with his p-spot. There are some really great subreddits devoted to male anal pleasure, specifically r/prostateplay. Both of you should spend some time there.
As a next step, get an nJoy wand and use it on him while giving him a handjob or blowjob. You’ll know when you hit the right spot. Keep pressure on that spot and make him cum. His face and body reactions will be the final incentive you need to graduate to pegging, trust me!
Practice makes perfect for pegging (more alliteration!). You need to create a process and setup that works for you. We didn’t start regularly pegging until we had a few very successful sessions and decided to write it into our contract. Now we try to peg at least once a month, if not once per week. We both enjoy it.
Chastity adds a little extra fun to the mix. My husband can’t cum directly from prostate stimulation (yet) but is much hornier for my strapon after a few days in chastity. His hungry desperation for a very submissive sex act is very hot. During our last pegging session, he rode me in cowgirl while I held and gently slapped his chastity cage. I could tell he was getting close, so I put my Hitachi wand on his cage and pulled it away right before he came. I got to watch his glorious ruined orgasm face and a massive ejaculation. Then I made him clean it off my stomach.
Feminization / Sissification
Not something I fantasize about or find super hot outside of our dynamic. But I do like it as part of our BDSM / chastity play. If he’s in his cage, he must do whatever I say. I enjoy the power.
He enjoys feeling submissive and sexy in lingerie. I find it sexy that he finds it sexy. I like that he will dress up for me and send me pictures. He’s sharing his erotic nature. All of that is hot.
Shrinking cage size over time
This doesn’t do anything for me. My partner doesn’t have a small dick. It’s actually quite big.
I like having control over his cock. I like that he can only have an orgasm when I say so. I don’t care what the size of the cage is. I have that control with any size cage.
If that’s your thing, great! It’s just not for me.
Cuckolding
I did NOT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL when he first told me about it. You want me to fuck other dudes? This goes against everything we’ve been told about marriage. It was super confusing.
My husband did a good job of introducing this concept very, very slowly. He sent me erotica (namely Crosstown Crush - very hot). We played with some dirty talk in the bedroom. I eventually made up a fake lover / bull that I would use to tease him inside and outside of the bedroom.
Seeing his reactions egged me on and made me want to do it more. I could see how deeply it pushed his buttons. I noticed how riled up and animalistic he got during sex. I love inspiring that desperation for me (this is a common theme).
I’m not sure if we will ever take this to the real world. It’s hot as a fantasy for now. Cuckolding is absolutely not something I would’ve fantasized about on my own. It never would’ve crossed my mind as a possibility.
I don’t know if I’m into the idea of cuckolding where my partner isn’t involved in the scene. But I am turned on by the idea of an MMF threesome with some chastity / cuckold flavor.
Cleanup
This also surprised me at first. I’d never heard of it and didn’t understand why any guy would want to ingest his own cum.
I’m still getting used to this, mainly because he doesn’t actually want to clean up after he cums. The idea is hot for him up until the last minute, and then… isn’t.
However, he finds the thought of me MAKING him do it extremely hot. Even if physically he doesn’t want to. Psychologically, he wants to please and be submissive to me. He told me that if I make him do it when he doesn’t want to, he fantasizes about it later. That is very hot to me.
I actually find cleanup in the context of cuckolding or MMF threesome more hot. I like the humiliation factor. I like that my husband wants me so bad he’d lick my pussy full of another man’s cum. He shouldn’t want to do that but he does, for me.
Reverse pegging / he wears dildo
I love this. I think it’s super hot. I like giving him a dildo blowjob. It’s tortuous. I like knowing he’s writhing, desperate to be in my pussy. The denial factor is super hot. I get to cum but you don’t. You will watch me do something you wish was happening to you. You don’t get to feel it. I get to cum and you don’t. You will go to bed frustrated, unsatisifed, and still wanting me.
24/7 Chastity
I don’t want him to be locked up forever. I like being submissive sometimes. I like having sexual spontaneity. I want him to want me even when he’s not locked up. Sometimes I don’t want to be in charge.
We’ve been experimenting with longer lockup periods and I like it so far. The longer he’s locked, the more desperate he is. I let him out to have sex with me and lock him up immediately after. I like having sex with my husband and would never want to give that up.
I don’t want it to be all the time. I don’t want it to become the status quo. Then it’s just “what we do” instead of something extra. It’s part of our sexual dynamic, not the defining dynamic, and it’s always evolving.
